#transparentTuesday* Week 2: Somehow it’s Thursday

I’m a big fan of music.

Years ago I had a tumblog called Breakfast with Timothy’s. On this blog, my sole goal was to write about and share only the music that I loved. I spent a lot of time “digging” for music on Soundcloud, Twitter, and other blogs for something new. It was an obsession, it was a passion, but ultimately it was a secret.

I ran two Twitter accounts. One was for general usage, and the other was for the blog. Despite my general account having a larger following I never once posted a link to my posts. Why? I was ashamed of this labor of love that consumed a great deal of my free time.

While I never portended to be an expert on music the idea of sharing to a wider audience made me feel like a fraud. Not only did I not “know enough,” I felt as if my writing wasn’t good enough. I felt that people who I conversed with on twitter, who pursued careers in music writing, were inherently better than I was. So I stayed on the sidelines.

A deeper reason for this shame? This feeling of fraudulence? I was deep in the throes of depression. I worked, went to school full-time, and put all my energy into a project I hid. My motivation for writing died, and the blog posts slowly came to a halt.

The death knell for Breakfast at Timothy’s came when Tumblr flagged multiple posts for illegally posting songs. I did what many under this dark cloud would do… I completely deleted the blog.